Pub With No Beer - midi

 The Definitive Guide To Being An Aussie


Pub With No Beer

 It's lonesome away from your kindred and all
By the camp fire at night where the wild dingoes call,
But there's nothing so lonesome so morbid or drear
Than to stand in a bar of a pub with no beer.

Now the publican's anxious for the quota to come
There's a far away look on the face of the bum
The maid's gone all cranky and the cook's acting queer
What a terrible place is a pub with no beer.

Then the stock-man rides up with his dry dusty throat
He breasts up to the bar, pulls a wad from his coat,
But the smile on his face quickly turns to a sneer,
When the bar man say's sadly the pub's got no beer.

Now the swaggie comes in covered in dust and flies
Throws down his roll, rubs the sweat from his eyes
But when he is told he say's "What's this I hear?
I've trudged fifty flamin' miles to a pub with no beer.

There's a dog on the verandah for his master he waits
But the boss is inside drinking wine with his mates
He hurries for cover and cringes in fear
It's no place for a dog round a pub with no beer.

Old Billy the blacksmith first time in his life
Has gone home cold sober to his darling wife,
He walks in the kitchen, she says you're early me dear,
And he breaks down and tells her the pub's got no beer

It's lonesome away from your kindred and all
By the camp fire at night where the wild dingoes call,
But there's nothing so lonesome so morbid or drear
Than to stand in a bar of a pub with no beer.

And we could not survive without the outside toilet (john)
where we can relax and read the old newspapers, even "Joey"
enjoys catching up on the news.


Another definitive guide to being an Aussie

1. The bigger the hat , the smaller the farm.

2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.

 3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery,
there is no Australian event that cannot be improved
by a sausage sizzle.

 4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire.
Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.

 5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.

 6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside
their sandshoes.
No thief has ever worked this out.

 7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.

 8. All our best heroes are losers.

 9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands
of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.

 10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.

11. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard".
By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".

12. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth fixing.

13. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has
the swimming pool.

14. It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.

15. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family
drinks too much.

16. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night
drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it).

17. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own.
If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not trying.

18. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that
can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.

19. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard,
or on your front porch.
Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable.
Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for.

20. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the Motel's pool will
always be slightly larger than the pool itself.

21. There comes a time in every Australian's life when he/she realises that the
Aerogard is worse than the mozzies.

22. And, finally, the true test for immigration to Australia. Potential new Aussies
must pass the following test:

a) Mowing a sloping lawn (at least 20 degree angle) in a pair of thongs holding
a VB (Beer) while watching the cricket.

b) If you can't pass that,
chances are you will never be able to pass yourself off.

 The above came to me through an email group, if you are the owner of this work
please email me and I will add your link


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  Laurie - Australia ...... January 2002