T.A. Cengia of Italy and then of Australia. -7-6-95

I have been a believer for over a year and recently I was asked the question as to why or what made me chose to become a Muslim. I don't know what the person thought when my replay was that I had no choice in the matter.
I could not easily explain there and then how it took only fifty three years to be awake and acknowledge the light which I tend to refer to as the coming in from the dark. It began to come together or apart four years earlier. The same enjoyable job I was engaged in for twenty years changed from being fun to work, resulting in a personal crisis which was overcome with the inner advice that I should let the world go by and mind myself. All this had nothing to do with Islam of course.
I always kidded myself in thinking I was fair and open minded in my personal responses therefore sure of my judgement, and relative to some other persons it probably was so. Over the years I have been given many things one of which was a healthy inner curiosity, very often tending to ask myself or others why this or wanting to know that. Not necessarily on my own over the years quite a lot of useful and some useless answers were derived, directly none about Islam but indirectly some mis-labelled treasures.
At this time of minding myself, the middle east perennial trouble spot was simmering again and it puzzled me as to why this was continually taking place without resolve. I was familiar with the Christian literature and tradition of past centuries but knew precious little about the relative modern times except for what could be read or heard on the news media which can be very believable if one is that way inclined.
From this reading one could be excused for gaining the impression that some unpleasant things were taking place some of which were more unpleasant if one side was thought to be responsible for them. There were to sides and no offence but the Arabs were not my favourites, even if I knew nothing about them, their thinking processes or achievements if any, besides which they were often portrayed either as unpredictable barbarians or children in man's bodies. All of north Africa and the middle east was supposed to be Arab and every Arab was supposed to be alike and every one was supposed to be a member of a simple and some time cruel religion [ * ] found in a book called the Koran.
I knew that religion [ * ] is often a very good excuse to do and achieved what would normally not be dared and I wanted to find out more. In my sheltered world, to satisfy my curiosity I purchased the English translation of the Koran by a M. M. Pickthall and I actually thought it was the only translation available. I found the Reading to be extremely difficult to comprehend and foreign to my mind's thinking process. Because I was looking for an answer I did preserver and half way through, I was ready to pass judgement convinced that my judgement was fair and reasonable. At the end of Surah Maryam which I could relate to, I knew the book may have been historically accurate but religion [ * ] wise my training and beliefs said the book was quite wrong and I was prepared to say so to any one with a different view. For a few weeks the book was put away since there was no point in wasting my time, beside which the reason for reading the book in the first place did not give me a conclusion. Many months afterwards I remembered when my schooling was completed at 15 and for a short while felt very sure my parents did not know as many things as I had learned at school.
There is nothing like being sure and definite about something, it gives the ego a sense of satisfaction and achievement with no room for any doubt. I was feeling sure about this book but at the same time there was the persistent nagging thought that judgement should not be made in haste at the halfway point before seeing the whole picture. After all if 800 million people recommend it the least I could do was to read it to the last page. So I read some more and found that after the break the thinking process required to understand it was getting easier. It reminded me a lot of the change which I had to undertake in going from my original Italian tongue, to the Australian thinking. In those days I used to think the English language was back to front, but being young it was not to difficult to finally think in Australian rather then in Italian and then translate the spoken words.
From the above one can get the picture of myself as an average, righteous and fair minded mildly patronising mister nice guy. At this time I was a shift worker in the control room of a power station and during the quite periods of night-shift I kept at the reading, gaining some intellectual understanding until I reached Surah 72 which I could related to in a comparative way. Outside of religion [ * ] us beliefs, I was aware about the first part of Surah 72 where in the words I could see the description of some mentally efficient people known to me. It was not a point to change my life style but it made the remaining material easier to read and on completion it was felt necessary to get some general information about the religion [ * ] which I knew so little about. I was familiar with about most of the world religion [ * ] s and yet I knew precious little about Islam and needed to know.
In the telephone book was found the local Islamic Council number and subsequently contact was made with a person who directed me to an other person who in turn gave me a different copy of the Qu-ran and every now and then would keep in touch by telephone. He was quite friendly but it was felt I could never call anyone brother who wasn't my blood brother.
I found this copy of the Qu-ran by A. Y. Ali in the old English was easier on me, there was less mental gymnastic involved which was later realised to be only because my thinking process was changing. Over the next couple of years the reading was not difficult but I found it strange for some parts of the book to generate strong emotional feelings in me. Mental activity during this period was fairly high and with the purchased of a computer program called the ' Alim ' I was able to gain quick access to a large amount of information. Reading some of the material felt like being present with the writers or being in events being described. I was now becoming more and less tolerant about some things, with some important things becaming less important and the other way around.
The Muslim who kept in contact by telephone one day invited me to the local Mosque and for a couple of years on Friday after the prayers were finished I would go inside the Mosque where I found it a pleasant company talking to the Muslim. After all the reading about Islam I was now an intellectual Muslim, Islam was understandable but not yet quite believable and that explained why I could not bring myself into making a final conclusion about the religion [ * ] . In February 1994 at the right time I started fasting to see the result on self and a couple days before Ramadan ended, after a night shift felt compelled to ask from the Imam at the local Mosque what was necessary for becoming a Muslim. At this time many things I knew not, some I knew by different names with some others not known truly. When one is made aware of self evident matters there was no choice but to believe and make the required commitment. Afterwards it wasn't difficult to say brother or sister nor was it to difficult for a while on Friday's to read the prayers from a paper with large lettering which I was able to print.
A little time after the commitment was made I was dumbfounded to realise how little I knew, I felt as having been like a spermatozoa wanting to enter the egg without really knowing what was to come once inside the cell. It was exciting from the outside looking in and amazing on the inside looking out. Probably not every person would feel or react the same way as I did, whoever the word amazing is not an exaggeration when coming in from the dark.
My life style and that of my family did not require extensive alterations except for the problem of being able to finding proper food ( Halal ). Personally I don't miss some of the food nor some of the drinking nor some of the acquaintances I knew. My companion has made some adjustments to her previous unquestioned long held beliefs and misses a few things but has realised she is now living with a better person. I haven't told my parents but, 75 year old mother knows and I am still her son.
The break in between prayers seem to have made the days shorter. On the down side I feel that part of me is now frequently attached on television and other news media. It seems that as I believe in Allah and in the message from the Messenger of Allah and believe in what the Messenger of Allah believed in, it makes me a to be feared Islamic Fundamentalist, even though I am now a nicer and more reserved person.
It is has now become more visible and sad to often observe all kind of news media starting or feeding fires, fighting over the control of people's minds, telling the truth or part of, and even doing some very good constructive work, then to enclose it all in a thick padding of deliberate or ignorant misinformation to protect the centre from falling out and breaking something one could think. It is sad in the supposedly modern time to see some parties organise mischief and go to great lengths to make it believable so that some desired action may become a justifiable necessity for advantage. From the above one will gather how one became a Muslim, after taking some steps there really was no other choice.

A chosen way of life without final regrets,     Religion * is ' restoration', everybody's.